


In Which There Are Thieves

by AdventurousScientist (Tuiteyfruity)



Series: Mystic Woods [5]
Category: Enchanted Forest Chronicles - Patricia Wrede, Mystic Woods, Original Work
Genre: Fantasy, Fantasy Adventure, Gen, MIND THE TAGS:, Non-sexual vore, Soft Vore, fairytale, fantasy comedy, farcical, giant tiny - Freeform, gianttiny, safe vore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21709996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiteyfruity/pseuds/AdventurousScientist
Summary: IN WHICH THERE ARE THIEVES(chapter 1 is actually found here: To Catch A Thief: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456900)Tales in The Mystic Woods centered around different thieves that attempt (and fail) to steal from the fearsome evil giant/wizard Yonah HaEsh!Thieves are certainly a nuisance but they are tasty P:They follow a pattern: 1) Thief breaks in to the tower. 2) Yonah catches and eats the thief. 3) Yonah releases the thief and if they accept it, gives them some money for their trouble.Yes, Yonah always lets the thieves go in these stories. The thieves don't know this, so it's pretty scary for them.So it's my job to make as many interesting stories following this format. And trust me, I have like 20+ ideas.EACH CHAPTER IS A COMPLETE SHORT STORY!THE CHAPTERS HAVE NO ORDER!THEY TAKE PLACE AT RANDOM TIMES UNLESS SPECIFIED! Sometimes The Princess Sophia is there! If she is not, then the story takes place before Sophia is sent to live with Yonah.
Series: Mystic Woods [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563316
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14





	1. Standard Issue

**Author's Note:**

> STANDARD ISSUE:
> 
> This follow the formula exactly! This is the typical thief encounter. All other chapters will have more substance, this is to establish the flow for you! 
> 
> It's fun! 
> 
> Content warnings: the vore is soft/safe/NOT SEXUAL but unwilling and it’s Yonah’s job to be the big bad giant so expect fearplay. And the thieves don’t know that he plans to let them live.

Yonah rubbed his eyes; when was the last time he had even blinked? The book under his magnifying glass was starting to swirl in his vision. Wait, it was supposed to do that. His eyes hurt because the writing literally moved on the page, and he was trying to decipher it. None of the other Royal Wizards had been able to. And it just so happened that Yonah’s firewitch heritage made it just possible for him to look at the pages for extended periods of time without going mad.

But his hand was starting to hurt too. Oh gods of the forest he had nodded off and forgot where he had stopped taking notes. With a pair of tweezers he flipped the book back a page. Ah! Yes.

Ok. He would just finish this chapter. Then he could have dinner and go to bed.

That was when he heard it. A small yelp from somewhere behind him.

Closing his eyes and taking his mind away from the book, Yonah took a deep breath through his nose. It took a lot of concentration to wake up his olfactory awareness. If he had been a full giant he probably would have smelled them when they first entered, without having to pay attention. Still, better late than never.

Really, better late than never, if whoever it was stole something actually valuable, that would be a problem. Money he could get more of, but there were some items and ingredients that were rare or nigh impossible to get.

How should he confront this human… he thought for a second, and heard the human start to creep their across the floor. Swiveling around on his stool Yonah locked eyes with the human who was halfway from the trapdoor to the window. The human had a pretty full sack slung over their back.

Yonah smiled with wicked glee and declared

“Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of the human kind. It matters not the things you stole, I’ll capture you and swallow you whole!”

This human had good instincts and didn’t let fear freeze them in place for very long. They ran for it.

Yonah rose from his chair and made a grab for the human, but they were agile and jumped out of the way.

The human gave Yonah a good chase around the room. Yonah did his best not to topple anything over or break something valuable. The human had brought a slingshot and landed a lucky shot in Yonah’s left eye. With that hit the human nearly made it out the window; well, they got sort of close, they had begun to climb the rope they had already secured at the top. Yonah snagged the rope and brought the thief to his face. He took a deep breath filling his airways with the human’s scent. 

Ohhhh they smelled very very good. His stomach growled and he licked his lips.

Before the thief could gather their mind and let go Yonah tossed them up and caught them in one hand and closed it around the human who futilely tried to get out of his grip. 

“Please, please don’t eat me, I’ll give back everything I took!” the thief pleaded, holding out the bag.

Yonah took it and just laughed, “Were you not listening? I don’t really care about what you stole; I’m hungry.”

And he shoved the thief headfirst into his mouth.

The thief started kicking immediately, but with Yonah’s lips around their arms they just kicked at the air as the giant tongue tasted them eagerly. When they screamed the tongue would respond by dragging across their face, an effecti e silencing tactic. 

After about 10 seconds of enjoying the human’s taste, Yonah finally tipped his head back and began the process of downing the human. It took a bit of work to get the thief down, it was always a struggle. Because of their size (the human filled his entire mouth) and because Yonah wanted to savor the flavor. And also not suffocate the poor human. 

They weren’t giving up either, this one had some spunk! They kicked at his teeth which sent shivers to his brain. He tried to restrain the human with his tongue but there just wasn’t space. Even after a strong swallow pulled the human entirely into his throat they still fought. He placed a hand on his neck which was distended; he could feel the human’s movements. And he could barely breath. it was a miracle he never choked doing this. He took it as a sign that he was supposed to eat humans. 

So he swallowed again and the human slipped down deeper, squeezing down his esophagus. Yonah clutched his chest; it hurt, it always hurt, but in a good way. A few more swallows and the human was in his stomach and really freaking out.

Yonah poked at his full gut for a few seconds, ignoring the muffled screams. If you were paying attention you could tell he had eaten someone, even through the fabric. If not he just looked particularly fully, but there was occasional visible movement. It felt good to be so full. Pity it couldn’t last longer. 

Shit the money! He ran downstairs and got the ornate lock box and brought it back upstairs, setting it on his desk. Oh, that felt weird, running with a human in his gut. It made his stomach bounce. 

The human screamed very loud, kicked very hard, and Yonah winced.

Time to let them out.

He placed hands over his stomach. Under his palms and his robes and his skin he could feel the human, panicking. He tightened his muscles while pushing with his hands. His face screwed up in concentration.

Another loud scream and the return of the pressure in his chest told him the human was on their way out.

After 20 seconds of hacking and heaving the human reappeared in his mouth and he spat them out into his hands along with liters of drools. The thief shivered and coughed, coming to their senses.

While the thief gathered themselves Yonah opened the box. It contained several bags, the size of beads to Yonah, and Yonah chose one of the smaller ones. This hadn’t exactly been a unique experience or a challenge. 

The thief calmed down a bit and looked up at Yonah. They opened and closed their mouth wordlessly. Yonah wiped his mouth and grinned, the Thief shook, holding on to Yonah’s fingers. 

“Well, that was fun, but I need an /actual/ dinner, so I’m afraid this is where we part ways, Jack.” said Yonah, taking the thief over to the window.

“H-ow d-d-do you know m-m-my name?” said the thief as they barely kept their balance standing up on the stone windowsill. Yonah supported them with his now sticky palm and they tentatively accepted the help.

“You people are all named Jack. Oh, and here,” said Yonah, holding out the small bag.

Working on autopilot Jack held out their hands and their eyes went wide as the bag hit their palms with a pleasant jangle of coins. Now they stared up at the wizard with disbelief.

“For the trouble, and for tasting so good.”

Jack didn’t know what to do and just stood their gripping the coin purse.

“Go!” said Yonah, pushing them gently towards the window ledge and they left.

Yonah licked his lips of the human’s taste and wandered downstairs to prepare some proper food.


	2. Fool Me Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yonah has some fun with illusion magic! :D
> 
> (REMEMBER, THIEF STORIES ARE ALL STAND ALONE! CHAPTERS MEAN NOTHING! IT'S A SERIES WITHIN A SERIES)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: As always with Thief Stories the vore is soft and safe but very unwilling as it’s Yonah’s job to be the big bad giant. And the thieves don’t know that he plans to let them live. (Especially when he tells them the opposite)

Yonah’s eyes snapped open. He was in bed and hadn’t been able to enter a deep sleep. Something was in his tower, and he had heard it. Thief or Slayer. Thief or Slayer. He lay still and listened. Tiny footsteps outside his door.

A thief.

Slayers wouldn’t make that much noise. And neither did he, as he cast a silence spell around himself so he could get up and get dressed. It wasn’t proper to deal with a thief in his pajamas. He was looking forward to it, a pre-breakfast treat was just what he needed. His stomach grumbled silently.

But how exactly should he deal with this thief… He could just burst into the living room and bellow his lines. Classic, tried and true.

Naw, he wanted to try something else today.

He rummaged through a drawer and found the box labeled SPELLED STONES #3 YH. With a pair of tweezers he took out the stone in 5F. Then he found a very ornate box and set it on his night stand. He got out his reduction spice and dabbed a bit on his tongue and gripping the nightstand with both hands shrunk himself down, and clambered onto the tabletop. The stone in his hands glimmered with possibility. His plan wouldn’t work if he was over 2 meters tall. He placed the stone in his mouth and bit down cracking the stone and releasing the spell.

Examining himself in the mirror he beamed. He was in a plain but beautiful dress with matching flats. He had long blonde hair that fell around his clean shaven face and piercing blue eyes. And he had breasts. He was, as far as anyone knew, a princess. This was going to be fun. The thief would enter the room soon, if they got to the living room their next stop was always the bedroom. He climbed into the box and shut the lid. With one last spell before tucking his staff away, he locked the box.

And waited.

Sure enough the thief entered the room. Even from inside the box, Yonah could hear him. This wasn’t a very good thief. He waited until the thief was clearly on the nightstand when he called out.

“Is someone out there?! Please! Help!”

Oh it was WEIRD to hear the magically generated female voice.

The thief took the bait; Yonah heard them working on the lock and then light hit his eyes.

Jack looked down into the box and sure enough there was a girl in there! A princess! How interesting.

“Oh thank you sir!” She said, sitting up and beaming at him, and he helped her out of the box. She was, taller, than Jack expected. Not as tall as himself but nearly.

“What on earth were you doing in that box?” Jack asked, keeping his voice low. The princess wasn’t as careful and had practically shouted. But he also didn’t want to order a princess to do anything.

The princess looked woeful and stained off into space. “It is that cruel giant! He locks me up whenever he leaves. He does not trust me not to run off.”

Maybe she wasn’t so stupid. If she knew the giant wasn’t around why should she be quiet. Why should he be quiet? This was great news! He had snuck in at the perfect time!

“Don’t worry, you’re free now, and after I loot the place we’ll get out of here right quick,” he said.

“I am not worried sir,” she said, “just lead the way!”

Huh, not a very timid gal. Better for him, he didn’t want to deal with someone who might faint on him.

There was nothing on the nightstand so Jack and his newfound princess explored more of the room. The princess chatted endlessly and Jack tried to tune it out.

“If I may ask” she said, not waiting for Jack’s response, “why are you looting the place?”

“Because I’m a thief,” said Jack, “It’s my job”

“But surely” said the princess, looking into one of the boxes on the dresser, “half of my father’s kingdom would be worth much more than anything here. There’s nothing in this box by the way.” But Jack was sure she slipped something into a pocket. It left his mind as he focused on something else she had said.

“Half the kingdom?”

“Of course! We are to be married! You are my rescuer!” She bounced on the balls of her feet. Her blond hair bounced too.

“I hate to break it to you,” said the thief, “but I’m not into princesses. If you were a prince, well, that would be a different story.”

This did not phase the princess one bit who replied with “Fine then, but you will still be rewarded for my rescue”

She fiddled with her dress “and truth be told, I have a true love already.”

“Oh?” said Jack, more interested in the reward than her sob story. But he let her speak as they moved onto the next room.

“Yes! A cobbler’s apprentice. They may be plain, but I love them so!” She waxed fondly, looking off into space and fluttering her eyes lids. 

Despite increasing annoyance he let her go on about her love as he searched the room.

“They’re not the adventuring type, my love, and my father disapproved of our affections so he sent me away! To be rescued by someone he deemed suitable for my hand!”

It was hard to tune out her voice but he treated it as white noise as he searched. But!!! There was!!! Nothing! Arg!!! Just more magic shit! He couldn’t tell what was valuable and he didn’t have a bag of holding, just a normal ass bag.

“Hey do you know where any of the good shit is?”

The princess considered this for a long time. Jack was about to just continue his own search when she finally said.

“There’s a workbench upstairs. I don’t know much about magic, but he uses crystals and stuff, and instruments made with precious metals!”

That’s the shit he was looking for. Gold and jewels! He grabbed her hand and dragged her upstairs. Going up the stairs took a while, each step was nearly as tall as they were. By the time they reached the top they were exhausted.

“Any idea when the giant will be back?” Jack asked, breathing hard, willing his strength back.

“I wish I did. You’re *huff* lucky the wizard *huff* is away at all” she said “I’ve seen-“ she started to shake “I’ve seen him deal with thieves and…”

“And”

“He eats them!” She cried, “I’ve never seen a thief make it out of here alive! Not one.”

“Not-not even one!?”

The princess shook her head. “It’s horrible! And, and I’m so worried, every day.” she started to actually cry, “That he’ll get bored with my singing and eat me too!”

“He would eat a princess! What a monster!” said Jack, “now come on, it’s time to get those jewels and get out of here before he comes back.”

With each other’s help they climbed up the stool and onto the desk. And sure enough, there were gems! Some were ordinary or semi-precious, but they were huge! And imbued with magic, so they had to have value. But there was also a small jar with more precious gems, and one with gold dust. Jack filled his own, smaller jars, with the dust and gems.

“Ready to go?” he asked, taking her hands.

“Yes, but, just one more thing,” she said, and smiled.

The change was instantaneous. One moment Jack was holding onto the delicate hands of dainty royal, looking down into her doey eyes and the next his own hands were engulfed by new hands, the size of dinner plates, and staring at the brightly patterned shirt of wizard robes. He looked up into the face of the tallest man he had ever seen.

If he hadn’t instantly realized this was the wizard, he would have called the man handsome. He had voluminous black locks, and a powerful jaw with a nice amount of facial hair. But the dark brown eyes smiled hungrily down at his own. The wizard licked it’s full lips.

The wizard’s grip was strong and starting to hurt, but then his hands were released and the wizard stepped backwards, off the desk!

With a mighty *POOF* of grey smoke the giant, the giant wizard, towered above him, and laughed.

“Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of the human kind. It matters not the things you stole, I’ll capture you and swallow you whole!” and snatched him up in one of its hands.

Stringing Jack along been delightful, but it was time to end the charade and get his reward for a job well done. Yonah held the thief up above his open mouth.

“it is indeed, time for you to go,” he said.

Finally the thief realized what was happening and screamed as his feet entered the giant’s mouth.

“Fuck fuck FUCK!!” he couldn’t seem to say anything but obscenities as Yonah swallowed him down. He tried futilely to grab onto Yonah’s teeth but Yonah simply flicked the hands off with a finger.

Yonah wasn’t entirely sure if it was the fear, or if this human just naturally tasted really good. Soon enough the thief was in his stomach, and it gurlged happily. /Oh come now!/ he patted his gut /you know you can’t keep him!/. The thief kicked out in protest.

“You tricked me!” he shouted, almost crying, “why!? You could have just caught me right away!”

“This was more fun,” Yonah said, “and it makes for a much more satisfying meal to know you’ve earned it. You tasted amazing by the way, five stars!”

“You’re a sick bastard!” Jack shouted at him.

Even though Jack couldn’t see him, Yonah shrugged. Then he stretched, keeping on hand on his stomach so he could feel the human’s movements. “It’s my job.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better about this?!” the thief was taking his perceived demise rather well, he wasn’t begging for his life or anything. Maybe Yonah had primed him too much with the “merciless man-eater” description, this Jack didn’t seem to think he could persuade him to spare his life.

Yonah scratched his stomach and sighed deeply, “No, but this is.”

“What the-” the thief was cut off as Yonah started the process of regurgitating his captive. This thief was fairly large, he had to practically punch himself in the gut to force the thief out, and even considered reaching into his own mouth to trigger a stronger more innate reaction.

But he didn’t need to. The nearly suffocating mass of the thief made its way up his esophagus, slowly but surely. The thief slid into his waiting hands and scramble to sit up and stare in confusion at Yonah who smiled and licked drool from his lips.

“Feel better now?”

Jack shivered but nodded.

“You- you’re letting me go!? What was all that ‘no thief has left alive’ shit!?”

Oh, a talkative one! Normally they didn’t want to talk anymore. Too scared and ready to leave.

Yonah chuckled, “Surprised you didn’t catch on, Jack. If I was lying about being a princess, why wouldn’t everything else be a lie as well!”

“You’re still a sick bastard” said Jack.

He slid out of Yonah’s palms and tried to wipe the spit and mucus off but he was thoroughly soaked. So he stood defiantly and tapped his foot at the now not-man-eating giant Wizard.

“What now?” He asked.

“Oh yes!”

Yonah reached into his pocket and produced a small purse and offered it to Jack. Jack blinked and took it.

“Wait, you’re giving me money!?”

“Well I can’t let you take the gems and gold dust! I need those,” said Yonah. Producing a handkerchief out of nowhere And wiping his hands clean. “And I don’t want you to leave empty handed! All that work sneaking in here would be for nothing. And if I’m right, you don’t have any money. That’s why you’re here right?”

Jack pocketed the gold. “Yes. It is.”

“Now that is settled, Jack, it really time for you to be on your way. I have to have a real breakfast.”

Jack had another idea.

“Actually! If it is not to much trouble, um,” shit he didn’t know his name! For that matter how did the wizard know his!?

“Yonah.”

“Yonah,” said Jack, “could I maybe, wash up? And if you’re making breakfast, I’m… kinda hungry too. No money and all.”

Then he added, “as long as it’s not like, human… meat…”

That shocked Yonah. Thieves asking to wash up… that was rare but it happened. But he couldn’t remember a thief who asked to stay, for a meal no less! Especially since he had just eaten them. This man had chutzpah!

“No, it’s eggs, bread, butter. Oh And fruits and vegetables from my garden.”

Jack’s eyes were going glassy as he described breakfast. When was the last time he had eaten?

“Sure, why not,” said Yonah, and he offered his palm. 

The thief climbed on, not scared at all. And Yonah carried Jack back downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone started shipping Yonah with this Jack which wasn't my intent but to be fair, they are each other's type. You can imagine whatever shenanigans you wish ;) 
> 
> But actually designed a character to pair with Yonah. So we wont be seeing this Jack again. Well. Probably not.


	3. Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin-Hood type thief!
> 
> (REMEMBER, THIEF STORIES ARE ALL STAND ALONE! CHAPTERS MEAN NOTHING! IT'S A SERIES WITHIN A SERIES)
> 
> Content warnings: As always with Thief Stories the vore is soft and safe but very unwilling as it’s Yonah’s job to be the big bad giant. And the thieves don’t know that he plans to let them live. (Especially when he tells them the opposite)

“Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of the human kind. It matters not the things you stole, I’ll capture you and swallow you whole!”

/Great/, thought Sparrow. He was already captured so that only left being eaten. He thought this was supposed to be the lair of an evil wizard who worked for the king! A king’s secret wizard must have loads of shit worth multiple fortunes! He had not expected this wizard to also be a giant. He had not come prepared to fight a giant! And thus, he had been captured. Rather quickly too. 

The giant had him in a tight grip, large brown hungry eyes fixed on him. It had taken his sword, his dagger, even his mother’s pocket knife! That was an heirloom. Sitting in this giant’s lair it wouldn’t get handed down to anyone and since he was about to die he dearly wished to still have it on him for his trip to the next world. 

“Now you see what happens to petty thieves!” it growled with delight. 

“I am no petty thief, Giant,” Sparrow spat, “I am a hero! I steal from the rich to give to the poor! You have no business eating me.”

The giant cocked his head at him with unnerving quizzical innocence which rapidly contorted into mischief. Sparrow didn’t like it, not one bit. Especially not when it laughed and licked it’s lips. 

“Wonderful! Then your next and final act of charity will be to fill my poor belly!” it pat it’s stomach in a horrible childish manner. 

The next thing Sparrow knew he was in it’s mouth. He thought for SURE he would be bitten in half. Whatever strange breed of giant this was, it was too small to swallow a person whole. At least that would be a quicker death than the agonizing drawn out demise to be found inside it’s stomach. 

He just wished it would get it over with!!! The giant’s teeth dug into his ribs as it held him ⅓ the way in its mouth, the massive tongue familiarizing itself with Sparrow’s texture and taste. The slobber was thick and warm and he tried not to breath. UGH he got the giant’s spit in his mouth!!!

The hum of giant’s delight at his flavor buzzed around him, adding to the humiliation. 

What was going on? Gravity shifted and he was upside-down! The jaws loosened and he slid back at the same he was pushed by the tongue and pulled by the muscles into the giant’s throat. 

No way. No! 

The hot rubbery flesh enveloped him completely. With his heart pounding and his breathing rapid he feared he would pass out. No not feared. Hoped. Death by suffocation was much preferable to… digestion. 

Seemed like he didn’t even have that amount of good fortune however.

His feet were still in the giants mouth! It had taken off his shoes and the tongue tickled but Sparrow did not laugh. For pounding against his head, against his heart, was the beat of the giant’s as he slowly inched past the powerful organ. 

There was a strong swallow and a deep breath from the giant as Sparrow’s body entered it in its entirety. 

In the same moment his hands passed through a much rougher section of flesh into a void. Then his head did the same and he instinctively drew breath and then gagged. There was air in stomach but it was noxious. 

The stomach. 

The giant’s body forced his own into the space which stretched to hold all of him but it was a tight fit. He was really crammed in there. While he could kick out he couldn’t put much power behind it, and with the slick walls he couldn’t maintain any outstretched position for longer than a second. 

Time didn’t slow down, if anything it sped up. His impending death drawing closer with every beat of his racing heart. 

“Enjoying your stay? I am. It’s a pity it won’t be a long one.” The giant’s voice thundered around him. 

“Bastard! I’m a HERO! I’m supposed to defeat evildoers such as you! How did you beat me! This isn’t how it works!”

The laughter of the giant shook him violently, rattling his brain. 

“Good does not always triumph over evil,” came the venomous reply. 

“You could have at least bitten my head off or something! I don’t want to suffer in here!”

There was a jolting chuckle. 

“But I would miss out on all of your wonderful struggling! And who said anything about suffering? I certainly didn’t!”

There was a pronounced pressure on Sparrow’s side. The giant’s fingers most likely. It clearly wanted to enjoy every bit of his slow and painful death. 

“So, my tasty little hero, you ready to say goodbye?”

WhAT? Sparrow flailed and the giant laughed again. He barely felt any tingling in his skin! Was the giant about to do something terrible? 

The pressure increased from all sides and Sparrow screamed. The walls got angry and convulsed, rolling him around until.

He was forced… back the way he came. 

So shocked he froze and let it happen. He could not believe it was actually happening! The retching sounds which normally might cause himself to retch were like an angelic choir as with each one he traveled up the giant’s esophagus. 

Still hot and muggy the breath of air he gulped in when his head emerged into the giant’s mouth was the best he’d ever had. It was a breath of life! 

His wits miraculously back to him he opened his eyes, extended an arm to grasp at the giant’s front teeth to yank himself forward. 

The giant choked in surprise but helped out by pinching his sides and pulled him the rest of the way out. He was tossed unceremoniously onto the bench. Right next to his things. 

Sword in hand he stood up, slipping only slightly on the spit and mucus that pooled at his feet. 

“Stay back giant! Or I’ll-”

“Do what, exactly?” The giant was wiping its mouth on a long sleeve grinning. “Get eaten by me again?”

He raised the sword in a fighting stance. The giant frowned. 

“Wow are you stupid? I’m letting you go! Unless you think we have unfinished business. You’re welcome to give this another try. But I warn you, the second trip down my gullet is one way. Are these poor you speak of worth the risk?” 

Sparrow said nothing, his mind was racing in a white void 

“Go on. I’d love to have another taste.” The eyes of the giant flared bright orange for a second. 

Sparrow lowered the sword but did not sheath it. He cautiously gathered up the rest of his things. Shoes, knife, pocket knife, bag, gear harness. It all squelched against his foul smelling soaked through clothes. The giant watched him, the gaze no less hungry than before. By some miracle he had been shown mercy, but he didn’t know if it would last very long. 

The giant’s unnerving kindness extended to carrying him from the desk to the windowsill so he could climb down. He took one last glance at the window, The giant was leaning out the window, head in it’s elbows. Not looking down, but looking out into the forest. 

Before he left the giant warned him not to disturb the garden. OR ELSE. and Sparrow was not about to disregard the one who would happily gobble him up again. So he ran into the woods. 

Once he felt a safe distance away, and made it to a cheerfully babbling brook, he sat down to wash up. 

He opened his bag to get out a bar of soap but found something else. Something that had not been there before. A large brown sack tied with a string. Had the giant put it there? 

From simply picking it up he knew it to be full of coins. Opening it revealed them to be gold. 

And there was a note. Surely this couldn’t be the giant’s doing. The note was so small and oh-

It unfolded and unfolded. 

“If this money doesn’t make it to the poor, I will know and I will find you. 

-PS, you were delicious P;”

He could have done without that post-script, especially that little drawing. What a complete wacko. Most evil wizards were. 

Thankfully, Sparrow was true to his word! This money would be put to good use. 

No need to worry about being hunted down by a giant wizard. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh the thief's last name name is Sparrow because it's a small bird like a Robin. But his first name is still Jack (like most thieves)... so his full name is... Jack Sparrow... 
> 
> OH I MAY HAVE NOT EVER MENTION: Yonah can't go farther than 5 kilometers from his tower* thanks to a magical tether that King Ben weaved, so the threat in Sparrow's letter is and empty one. Yonah would have no way of knowing what Sparrow does with the money anyways. 
> 
> *Yonah can still traverse a large amount of the forest because it moves around! His tower/garden can move, and the forest moves around it! He is not in control of this, the forest is the forest, it just does it's own thing.


	4. Nice Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yonah is careless and also playfully cruel (basically, Yonah can be... really scary... by being nice...)

“Mmmm You make a delightful pre-lunch appetizer. Thanks for choosing my tower to steal from!”

The rather plump elf plopped into his stomach and immediately started to assault his insides. Yonah briefly wondered what he possibly could have done to deserve such a spunky treat. But not for long. He wasn’t going to complain. His stomach made quiet happy burbling noises as it played with it’s temporary toy. Smaller than it normally gets, though this elf was pretty fat, and muscular. His punches and kicks were strong, and Yonah was absolutely enjoying every one. 

—

This Jack (yes, even elf thieves are usually named Jack) had been bold (or stupid) enough to break in during the day. Somehow missing Yonah who was in the garden. Strange. Yonah wasn’t trying to be quiet, and with those big elf ears… but who was he to question fate if it wanted to drop a piece of candy on him? And Yonah had noticed them, that was the most important thing. He watched as they used a magical rope to scale the tower. He almost fucked it up by laughing when the thief realized the thorns weren’t real and they had wasted all that money and effort on the rope. But he didn’t immediately follow the thief.

No. Finished up some gardening first. He wanted to give the thief some time to find out that he wasn’t there, maybe drop their guard? That would make them easier to catch. But did he want easy? Or did he want a nice chase today

Decisions decisions…

In the end he waited outside for the elf to start climbing back down the tower and when he got about halfway Yonah, his voice powered by magic, shouted in elvish:

“FEE FI FO FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF THE ELVISH KIND! IT MATTERS NOT THE THINGS YOU STOLE, I’LL CAPTURE YOU AND SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!”

The rhyme… doesn’t really work in elvish… shame….

Jack froze, clutching the vines. The voice came from all around but he couldn’t find the source which had to be the giant that lived in the tower. Until he looked down and found… a human sized wizard? A pretty large human with a bushy head of jet black hair tied into neat sections, a sharp goatee, dressed in gaudy wizards robes stood below looking up.

/Fuck!/ He was still reduced! He had a full 45 minutes to prepare his reveal and he fucked it up!

Quickly Yonah dispelled the reduction and was face to face with the elf who nearly let go. This elf’s skin was a dark green and they had sunflower yellow curly hair. He breathed in their scent. They smelled like sunflowers and sugary tree sap.

With a wicked grin he slipped off his gardening gloves and plucked the elf from his tower, holding him to his eye, still distant enough to see him lick his lips.

Jack’s ears fell as he was stuffed into the giant’s drooling maw.

—

“Bastard! Let me out!” The elf bellowed.

Ugh, the elf’s voice was deeper than his own! How embarrassing.

He poked at his stomach. The elf retaliated with a more forceful kick than before. Ohhhh. He did it again. Yessss. He was rewarded with a powerful punch. This continued for a few minutes.

“No, I don’t think I will,” he tried to make his voice lower but he was so filled with glee (and half-full of elf) that his pitch wouldn’t cooperate.

“If you don’t fucking release me I’ll fucking carve my own way out! How do you like THAT?”

Oh. fuck. Fucking Shit shit mother bitch! He had not checked Jack for weapons before just swallowing him down. Idiot!

“Grrrrr fine,” whatever. It was nearly time to get this Jack out regardless.

Bringing up elves, even fat ones, was much easier than humans. Still not pleasant, as he dry heaved and then vomited the elf into back into his hands.

The elf brandished the sword in triumph until Yonah pinched his hands and easily wrestle the object away.

Not wanting to crush the elf’s hands, he sent some heat to his fingertips and set his eyes aglow. Jack let go of his one piece of salvation.

Unless.

Holding the elf flat in his palm he pressed a finger to Jack’s throat. Jack coughed and his eyes bugged out of his head as he clawed at Yonah’s finger.

“Any more surprises on you?” now he got his voice to rumble nice and low.

Ck! Chhk!

Right. He released the pressure on Jack’s windpipe. He did not release Jack.

Jack sputtered, he was still covered in spit and mucus.

Sighing Yonah took Jack to the river behind the tower and gave him a few gentle dunks in the flowing water. He drank some of the crisp cool water as well, cleansing is pallet.

“More weapons! Do you have more weapons?”

“N-no” Jack whimpered.

“Wonderful” Yonah snarled, smiling ear to ear, “Now I can eat you all over again. Nice try though. Got me to spit you up. Too bad it didn’t work.”

“Wait! NO! FOUL!” Jack cried. This isn’t how this worked! He’s gotten out! He was supposed to be let go! Did this giant have no respect for tradition!?

Clearly not as Yonah didn’t hesitate to stuff the elf back into his mouth.

Freshly clean the elf’s taste was even more sharp. Like a washed piece of fruit. Delicious.

With an angry yell the elf failed to stop Yonah from swallowing him for the second time.

It was not any better this time. If anything it was worse! Now he had no hope of getting out alive. The giant had CHEATED! And he had learned from before that unarmed physical attacks did nothing! If anything the giant LIKED IT. Fuck him twenty ways to Tuesday. 

He fell into a pool of uncomfortably warm water and decided to just sulk until it was all over.

Or he would if the giant didn’t move so much! 

“What the fuck was that!?”

The giant’s voice flowed around him like cooling lava, “Oh did I disturb you? I jumped back into my tower. I said you were an appetizer, I’m going to make lunch! Won’t you join me?”

The elf did not dignify that with a response. He did scream in terror as he was bounced around, and again asked what the fuck that was.

‘Stairs’ was the answer, apparently. Which, as far as Jack could gather, the giant hopped down, whistling a jolly tune. Soon he heard rushing water, probably a sink faucet. The giant really was preparing to make lunch after eating him. Most humiliating death ever.

Then, for the second time, a retching, convulsing of the stomach walls. For the second time he was pulled back up the giant’s throat. For the second DAMN TIME, he slid out of the giants mouth.

And fell into the sink. 

After being eaten and spit up twice he was quite sore (the giant had been pretty rough while thoroughly enjoying his taste), his skin was irritated something fierce (the green turning a bit purplish red in places), he was out of breath, and adrenaline still pumped through him. The giant nudged him a bit, for some reason making sure his face was not submerged in the cool water that flowed around him. The giant wasn’t going to kill him. At least, Jack figured he could assume. Released twice, and this time of the giant’s own volition. So after shaking the water out of his ears and folding them tight, he let himself lay back and recover his wits.

Yonah finally set about making lunch. It didn’t take long since it was leftovers from last night. He had made a large batch of fūl which he had jarred and placed in cold storage, as well as hard boiling as many of his special "large" eggs as he dared. But fūl needed fresh vegetables to go with it, which he chopped and seasoned as the fūl reheated on the stove. He also made some quick flatbreads with olives and chives!

He spotted the elf climbing out of the sink just as he finished setting the table. And the second smaller table on top of it. Jack froze when he locked eyes with Yonah. Yonah smiled.

“You never gave me an answer,” he said, deliberately obtuse.

Jack’s ears flipped back and forth; his eyes narrowed, “what?”

“I asked if you would join me for lunch. You didn’t answer.”

“You - I” Jack sputtered and nearly fell as he hefted himself onto the counter, spotting the set tables and noticing the smells. “Wasn’t… I lunch?”

Yonah laughed, “No, you aren’t nearly filling enough, but I’ve made plenty of food for us both!”

All of Jack’s instincts told him to run. This thing had eaten him twice, and though it was being nice to him now who knew what it would do in a few hours. Maybe it wanted him for desert as well! Maybe it planned to keep him here forever! Oh no…

“Everything alright?” the giant asked as Jack had frozen, trembling, halfway through standing up.

Not giving Jack time to answer Yonah picked Jack up and took him to the table. 

“You must be hungry. So how about I make this easy for you. I insist you join me for lunch, Jack.” and he placed Jack on the small chair.

It was a little too big for Jack. The additional table setting was human sized, not elf sized, but if Jack sat on his knees it didn’t make much difference. But he just sat there staring, unseeing, at the food.

“Surely you’ve had fūl before?” Yonah asked, picking up a few hard boiled eggs, cut them into four or five pieces, and dropped into the bow of brown paste. “I believe it’s a staple food for elves as well?” using a slice of bread he scooped up the now egg mixed bean-paste, added a spoonful of veggies onto before taking a bite.

“Why- did you let me go?”

Jack had to wait for Yonah to swallow. Ugh. Watching the giant eat, after it had eaten him was more than off-putting.

“You would rather I kill you?” Yonah asked, and took another bite.

“No! No I was just- Why did you eat me again? I-” feeling was coming back to his body, and it stung all over, “I beat you! I got you to spit me back up! It’s bad sport to eat me again!”

“OH that. Well, I’m evil, or that’s what it says on my contract,” said the giant, as if that excused it.

“Evil giants don’t let their victims live,” Jack finally realized that yes, he was hungry, and he very much liked fūl, so he dug in. It was delicious. Not at all spiced in any elvish style, but still fūl. There was also a glass of Giant’s Ale, something he had always wanted to try.

“I’m also an evil wizard, and I’m only half-giant,” said the wizard, “Also, as you said, you beat me, bad sport and all that to not let you go. I just wanted another taste.”

He had to admit, it was pretty damn evil of the giant to make him think he was going to die, twice. And wizards were known to toy with and torture adventurers. So far this tracked. Jack had more questions but he didn’t get to voice them.

It had started as just kick, a little heat, but his mouth was now an inferno. He took another swig of the ale, but it didn’t help in the slightest. He collapsed onto the table.

Was this how the giant was going to kill him? Or rather, the wizard? With poison? Hadn’t he suffered enough?

Through eyes blurred with tears and sweat Jack was still able to tell that the giant wizard was out of his chair, but he couldn’t see what he was up to.

Then strong fingers picked him up. Oh no, he was going to be eaten again! He should have left when he had the chance!

As the blood pulsed in his ears he heard the giant speak.

“Drink this!” a bowl of something was pushed into his grasp.

If the giant thought he was going to drink or eat anything he gave him at this point he was badly mistaken, he dropped it.

The giant cursed, and pinched his jaw, forcing it open and forcing in whatever he had tried to get him to drink of his own accord.

It was… syrup? Just plain syrup?

The flames calmed down as he swallowed the sugary goo and he blinked away the tears. The giant was smiling apologetically down at him. He allowed the giant to help him back to the chair. Ok, not poison. Just…

“Sorry, I forgot that I made this batch of fūl with some specially cultivated reaper peppers. I should have warned you.”

Jack coughed and drank more syrup and then more ale.

“How come you’re ok?” he wheezed.

The giant’s eyes glowed briefly, as the guilty smile turned back to a nearly wicked one.

“Oh, I’m also a firewitch.”

“No kidding.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! Please comment!
> 
> Probably should have posted the other elf story first but ah well. Some info on elves:
> 
> Elves have photosynthetic skin. This means their skin produces sugar, and quiet the delicious treat for giantfolk to are lucky enough to catch an elf. 
> 
> This does not make elves "prey", in fact they are renowned for their skill and natural talent for hunting. 
> 
> *while giantfolk (giants, trolls, ogres, dragons) are known to eat smallfolk, it is an opportunistic situational event, they do not actively hunt smallfolk. That is barbaric, pointless, and dangerous.


	5. Garden Gnomes (except they're elves)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elf thieves!!! 
> 
> Note: this encounter takes place before Sophia comes to live with Yonah. Miryan the witch features in this story!
> 
> Content warnings: Yonah is a bit mean in this one when taunting his prey as they really pissed him off. So a little more emotional distress than usual.

In the quiet misty morning we find Yonah HaEsh taking care of his garden. Normally an imposing figure, dressed in sun bleached pink pinstriped shirt, overalls, and a wide brimmed straw hat in place of the tall wizard one, Yonah looked like a rather jolly farmer. Especially as he whistled a little tune while weeding a bed of daliah’s. They weren’t magical, nor were they edible, but they came in such vibrant colors and their petals arranged so perfectly and impossibly round, they might as well be made of pure arcane joy.

A mage’s garden takes a lot of special care. In addition to the common plants which have different needs when it comes to fertilizing, watering and pruning, the magical plants all have additional special requirements.

Weeping Forget Me Nots needed extra salts and minerals in their water. SnowHeart Raspberry bramble had to be pruned of all leaves to produce the most potently frozen berries. The tops of Bickering Radishes had to be untangled from each other, pity they refused to grow in isolation. You get the idea.

Things were going smoothly until it was time to feed the Fire-Breathing Snap Dragons. As carnivorous plants had to be fed weekly. Yonah had spent years perfecting the recipe to the food blocks he fed to his Snap Dragons. It was a tricky balance between adding extra nutrients and maintaining a flavor that the Dragons would not just tolerate but enjoy. Plus they would get bored with one flavor after a while, so Yonah had developed several varieties to keep them satisfied.

Yet they were refusing to eat today! It couldn’t be the food blocks, this particular flavor was one of their favorites. He had to pinch their jaws to force them open. And they were reluctant to let him do that, holding their flowers away from his fingers. But they were still plants and couldn’t actually go anywhere. When he finally grabbed a flower on the stalk of indigo blue heads, the other stalks turned and breathed fire at him. This did nothing to him. In fact it was pleasant, or it would be if it weren’t concerning.

This wasn’t coy, playful fire, this was “get away” fire. 

“What has gotten into you?” He asked knowing they couldn’t respond.

Maybe it was just a funk. Plant emotions are mysterious. It was irritating however, as it took three times as long to feed all 20 of the stalks. Fortunately, once food was in their jaws they couldn’t breath anymore fire. Unfortunately, with all the fire breathing they would need to fed again in a few days, throwing off the current schedule! How annoying.

Wait.

There were only 19 stalks. The black stalk was gone! Roots and all. 

Shit. Well, that explained their bad mood.

His heart racing he furiously scoured the rest of his magical plants.

In addition to the missing Snap Dragon he found the stump of a stem of a ruby rose blossom, knife marks were thorns had been scrapped off the invisible dusk blooming choke vines, and a missing golden apple.

A Garden thief! That was the worst kind. Yonah had to keep his hair from crackling and sending off sparks; not all of his plants were fireproof. He was able to keep it at the usual smolder.

Judging by the freshness of the cut from the rose bush, the thief had come the previous night. And they might try again.

It was time for a stake out! And for that he would need to make some preparations.

But it was early in the day, and he completed the rest of the gardening before returning to his tower. His plans of checking the perimeter to see what had shifted since last week could wait. Checking the perimeter wasn’t something he ever needed to do, strictly speaking. It was a practice he had picked up from his mother who patrolled the woods around her village, and a skill that he had hated learning but now found incredibly useful. It also got him out of the tower and walking around, even if he couldn’t go very far.

But today he wasn’t going on his walk, he was preparing to catch a thief.

Being so large there wasn’t anywhere he could hide, even in a reduced state. So taking some dried out invisible dusk-blooming choke vine thorns that he had collected not too long ago, he powered them and mixed them with lemon juice. Distilling that made a very dirty invisibility potion. Since he had not applied any spellcasting it only worked at night when the choke vines bloomed. But adding a spell to it was more expensive and time consuming; he only needed it during the night. The quick version was fine.

Next was trickier. Despite his mother’s best efforts, he never learned how to walk as silently as she. And the pathways in his garden were not conducive to keeping silent. That was by design, so that no one could sneak up on him while he worked.

Enchanting a pair of boots for levitation was not a simple task, even if one only wanted to levitated a few inches. It took a lot of pixie dust, which was not easy to get. Yonah had been slowly purchasing/trading for small pinches for years. This would drain his supply.

And there was no avoiding spellcasting for this one. At school Yonah had learned to enchant carpets. Boots were very different, it was more like enchanting a broom, which wizards didn’t learn. Witches did, but his father had never taught him.

The boots needed a spell to account for shifting weight distribution and to bind the levitation magic in the dust to the boots. A carpet’s large surface area handled that already. However carpets needed program spells so it would take commands. The boots needed no such programming, they would just sit a few inches above any surface at all times. Carpets needed advanced propulsion spells to fly, and sensory spells to someone could steer/brake/accelerate by leaning to or pulling the sides. With the boots movement was achieved with one’s own body.

Of course, every wizard had experimented with levitation spells applied to oneself. It was ill-advised and dangerous, so while he had an idea of what to do from past foolishness, he was basically building an unfamiliar enchantment from scratch.

Could he have used his mirror to purchase levitating boots? Sure, if he wanted to drain his savings, such a purchase couldn’t be put on the king’s tab, and delivery was not guaranteed to happen by tonight. Magical deliveries were never a sure thing.

Plus it was more fun to design it himself. There wasn’t anything Yonah really enjoyed more than researching spell design. Except for researching spell design with other wizards. Sadly no one answered his calls, and he couldn’t expect them to come help him last minute.

That and… they would ask why he needed to design such a spell. He couldn’t tell them it was to catch thieves; that could easily lead to them finding out he ate the thieves. His friends did not know that he ate people, and he wanted to keep it that way. Since they were people, and already knew he fancied their taste. They might never visit him again if they found out he wanted to and could easily eat them, even if he would never act on that desire.

Enough introspection.

By the end of the day he amazed even himself, for he had a pair of levitating boots so well enchanted that they almost felt like one was still walking on solid ground. Almost.

Now the real difficult part: Staying awake. After a day of research and casting he was extremely tired. Not to mention he had forgotten to eat both lunch and dinner. He managed to have a nap and a quick snack but with the sun down he had to take his place outside. Before climbing down he took the invisibility potion, just in case someone was watching the tower they would not see him and assume he was asleep.

It would have been impossible to stay awake if he had to stay still. But with his levitating boots he could slowly patrol the garden like ghostly sentinel. Not hearing his own footsteps was unsettling and yet… powerful. Is this what his mom felt like stalking beasts at night? He would have to ask her.

The moon was full and illuminated the night with a silver glow. The air was crisp and refreshing in the lungs. And it was completely silent. No thief. Not yet.

As the hours wore on the need for sleep increased. Yonah made his way to the golden apple tree. Surely if the thief came back they would go for another apple. No one could resist golden apples, being gold after all.

He knelt down next to the tree and closed his eyes.

And snapped back open when an apple landed only inches from his feet, hitting the round with an odd THUMP. Yonah looked up. Someone was in the tree.

“Hey Jakyl!” came a voice from over by the roses. “Careful with the produce! If it’s been bruised there will be consequences!”

“It’s made of gold Jakrin!” said the person in the tree.

Two thieves!

Yonah stepped to the side and Jakyl landed right where he had been sitting.

Were these little children? They were rather loud and Jakyl was barely over 3 feet tall. But their voices were mature.

They picked up the apple and examined it with glee as Yonah snuck up behind them. And lunged. With a hand over their face they couldn’t scream and he held them tight.

And they weren’t a child. They were an elf. Short, pointed ears, and thoroughly confused as they were held by an invisible person.

He tucked the elf into his arm and headed into the garden proper to catch the other.

“Jakrin!”

A third voice!? Was tonight his lucky night?

“Hey Jakrin, what was the plant I wasn’t supposed to touch? Was it the Fanged Timbleberry or the Sneezing Feverfew?”

Another elf walked right into Yonah’s line of sight. They had clenched fists and were stomping rather loudly. That must be Jakrin. The one in his arms struggled but Jakrin didn’t see their floating comrade.

“I told you three times already Jaccuzi, figure it out yourself!”

They stomped back to the rose bush.

“ACHOO”

Yonah’s head snapped in the direction of he sneeze. Hm… Jacuzzi would be easier to catch, they seemed a bit dimwitted.

And indeed, in the midst of a sneezing fit they did not notice Yonah’s approach until they too were tucked into his arm.

Now for the leader.

Unfortunately with the sudden silencing of Jacuzzi, Jakrin had caught on to Yonah’s presence and was keeping out of sight. Well, he had two out of three. Maybe it was time to see how close they were.

He made himself visible, and grinned down at the two elves in his arm, the moonlight glinting off his teeth. He took one in another hand. Jakyl maybe? And held them up. They whimpered.

“I have your teammates, surrender yourself or I‘ll start crushing skulls,” he didn’t shout but he gave his voice an earthquake quality that spread in all directions.

Jakrin appeared from behind the bed of dahlias, murder in their eyes.

“Put them down!”

“Run Jakrin!” the elf squealed, “save yourself!”

Jakrin nodded solemnly and bolted.

Fortunately elves had very short legs, and Yonah had very long legs. Jakrin didn’t get far and soon found themselves reunited with the rest of their team.

“That was rather fun, wasn’t it?” Yonah growled at them.

“No!” Jakrin spat in his face, “What are you going to do with us!?”

Yonah grinned again licking his lips and pressed the three elves against his gut. As he thought about how good they would taste it rumbled in anticipation.

“I’m going to eat you.”

Their ears fell and their large black elf eyes nearly bulged out of their heads, the moon filling their shimmering voids.

“You-you lie!” said Jakrin with little hope, “Humans don’t eat elves! What kind of sicko are you?”

“Not human,” Yonah growled, bringing fire into his eyes as he walked to the side of the tower.

He sat down with the elves in his lap, all of them secure in one arm. He took his staff from his hat and dispelled the reduction. The elves, now in his hands, screamed. Taking Jakrin he held them up above his head and opened his mouth. He dropped the elf inside.

Humans were savory, elves were sweet. And small enough that he could fit them entirely in his mouth. Jakrin screamed as Yonah licked them like a candy, drool escaping from his mouth. The other elves were staring up in shock and shrieked when he tipped his head back and swallowed dramatically.

He didn’t wait for Jakrin to make it to his stomach, he selected another elf and tossed them up, catching them in his teeth with uncanny gentleness, and drew them into his mouth to be gulped down.

Two elves in his stomach and he wasn’t even full! But he didn’t eat the third. Not just yet. The other two were pounding against his insides, making it move slightly, and they were yelling themselves hoarse. He held the third against his gut, and they whimpered as they heard their fellows’ screams and felt their struggles. 

“It would be cruel to break up the team,” Yonah said, as he brought them to his mouth. Their face was streaked with shining tears. Good! He felt no sympathy for these flora filching fuckers!

The saltiness of the tears complimented the sweet taste as he licked the third elf bodily before eating them too. 

With three elves he felt full and looked full! They were certainly stuffed in there but there was still some room to stretch, struggle, and protest. It was delightful! It was rare that he got to have multiple snacks at the same time. With humans it always hurt more than it felt in anyway good. The sensations made him a little drowsy. He would have to be careful not to nod off.

Woah! Or not! 

Energy surged through him from a jolt that slammed into his stomach, waking him up and heightening his senses. He chuckled. One of them had cast a spell.

“Nice try, but that’s not going to work,” he lied, patting his gut, causing the elves to freak and scramble. It was pure chance they has chosen to cast fire magic which his body absorbed.

—

From the tree line they watched the events unfold. The elves arriving, getting pick off one by one, and chased down. Once the giant wizard had eaten all the elves and was lounging against his tower, a little too pleased with himself, they nudged their broomstick forward.

The giant looked up and his villainous grin was replaced with a genuinely friendly and excited one.

“Miryan! What brings you here?”

They stopped their broom a meter from his face, it was their turn to smile wickedly.

“I was watching from the woods. Those little shits stole from my garden too.”

“Oh dear, did you want a shot at them?”

They shook their head and Siv, who was sitting on the broom bristles, meowed, “and ruin your fun? I wouldn’t dream of it!”

At a low gurgling noise they glanced down at Yonah’s middle. Even in the dark they could see occasionally twitches and trembles as the elves continued to fight; their cries piercing but muffled. Yonah giggled and rubbed at it.

“Do you want to join the party?” Yonah’s eyes glinted playfully.

“No thanks,” they said, seriously. 

But Yonah was unfazed, “Can I at least get a taste?” he asked without a hint of disappointment.

They flew closer, past his lips and to his cheek.

“Only if I get one first,” they said, pressing their lips to his warm skin. The still glowing eyes that looked down at them.

As they alighted on his shoulder Yonah turned his head to kiss the dwarf witch’s fuzzy face, sticking the tip of his tongue out briefly. Dwarves were not as tasty as humans or elves, but he had come to find immense delight in Miyran’s earthy flavor.

They laughed and eventually pushed his face away.

“How are they doing?” They asked. 

Yonah looked down and poked at his gut making the elves squirm and panic. To Yonah it felt like a ticklish massage, so he poked again. The elves definitely didn’t like that, but he did. 

“I think it’s time you pardon them, don’t you?” posited Miryan. 

“I suppose so,” Yonah sighed and pushed himself up onto his knees.

Miryan hopped back on their broom to hover around Yonah’s face. They were unsure if they wanted to watch this. They had experienced it from the other side and it was deeply unpleasant. But their curiosity got the better of them.

Their giant friend pressed both of his hands to his full gut and convulsed. Once, twice, three times. Each time the elves screams grew louder. With a pained grin and a triumphant snarl he started hacking and heaving. Spit flew from his mouth and Miyran narrowly dodged the offensive fluids, backing up another meter as Yonah leaned forward, gagging and holding his hands under his face.

He choked, and an elf fell into his hands. Again. Another elf. A third time. No elf. Miryan grew worried, but Yonah shuddered let out a horrible sound like Siv with a hairball, and the final elf tumbled out with a splat on top of the other two. He curled his fingers over them before they regained their senses enough to escape.

Miryan flew back to his shoulder. They could both feel and hear Yonah’s pulse raging alongside his wheezing breaths.

The elves regained their voices first.

“Let us go!” They pleaded. 

“He already did! Or did you leave your brains in his stomach?!” Miyran shouted down at them.

Six shining eyes locked onto the witch. Another person they had stolen from. They might be out of the giant but weren’t out of the woods yet, not by a long shot.

Yonah sat up and slumped against his tower. He held the elves up to his face, breathing hot air over them. They shivered and squeaked out fearful noises. They were not giving up, especially now that they weren’t being eaten. And now that they were covered in slime it was hard to keep his grip without hurting them. 

Catching his breath as quickly as he could Yonah sat up straight and focused, glaring at the elves. They froze, their big black eyes reflecting the orange glow of his own. 

“You caught me in a good mood, little morsels,” he hissed, “care to make it better by giving back what is rightfully mine?”

The elves, though scared out of their little elf minds, shook their heads.

“We! We can’t!”

Miryan flew to Yonah’s hands. Their boots sticking into the saliva. That… would wash off.

“Why not?”

“We need them! For a potion.”

The witch and wizard narrowed their eyes at the creatures.

“Our village has been taken by a plague, we have been traveling far and wide for ingredients! It’s our only hope!”

With a loud CRACK Yonah’s head hit the stones behind him and he groaned. Of course they had to have a worthy and righteous cause for their crime. He And Miryan were going to have to do the right thing here. CRACK CRACK. 

Miryan ignored Yonah and knelt in front of the elf who was speaking, Jakrin, and stroked their beard. Shaking, Jarkin peeled their eyes from Yonah to look at Miryan. 

“I’m starting to think you never had brains to begin with. If you’d led with that we might have been willing to help you, and you would have had to get eaten.”

Jakrin sniffed, wrinkling their nose as the smell of drying mucus and spit hit them, “We have no money! Our village is poor!”

Yonah stared up at the moon but still spoke “Then you work for trade! Or trade with work!”

“That would take too long!”

Yonah dimmed his eyes and looked at Miryan who nodded. The dwarf looked back to the elves. 

“Tell us about the sickness and the potion you need, I’m sure we can work something out.”

The elves brightened at this, even if they were still held tightly in Yonah’s grasp.

—-

Back in Yonah’s tower, washed up, given cups of tea and a plate of bread and jams, the elves told them everything.

The disease as they described it was real, Miryan recognized it as Resplendent Frozen Fatigue and indeed it required a stupidly convoluted potion to cure. They had been sent out to retrieve the ingredients, and by retrieve they meant steal. And had they collected the items from Yonah and Miryan’s gardens successfully they would move on to the next targets. Certain ingredients were extremely rare.

But not impossible to get. Not for Miryan or Yonah at least. They even had a few of the more obscure oils and animal parts. 

Of course they weren’t going to give these to the elves for free. They might have if they hadn’t used theft as their first course of action.

To pay for the items they had to work in the gardens, for a month. They were elves after all, plants liked them. Even if these elves weren’t gardeners they were quick learners and their elf magic helped significantly. And they were hard workers.

For their cockiness, Jakrin ended up in Yonah’s mouth twice more and swallowed once, but other than that they gave the wizard no trouble. Jakrin avoided getting eaten a third time by working more with Miryan. The other elves managed to avoid such punishment and got along rather well with Yonah, all things considered. He would still tease and lick them.

What did take some convincing was getting the elves to give up some of their blood. Elf blood is very magical, if you extracted it right. They were eventually swayed when they smelled the cookies Yonah had baked that they would get to partake in after giving their blood.

Miryan actually prepared the potion once all of the ingredients were acquired. And sent the bottles with one of the elves back to their village. The time it took to deliver the medicine and return was not counted against their month of servitude.

Eventually it was time to say goodbye and the elves were told they could each pick a ripe golden apple to take with them. The elves thanked them profusely and went on their way.

“I’m kind of sad to see them go,” Miryan waxed sarcastically, “They had a knack for agriculture.”

“Indeed!” Yonah agreed. 

“And they were delicious!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! please leave a comment!


	6. Drop Dead (but no actual death)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thief panics and tries to "play dead" 
> 
> Yonah's actually kinda nice in this one!

—

This was going rather well!

Jack kept low as they weaved around the scrolls and glass containers full of strange colored liquids on the table. The giant was nowhere to be seen! Once they found its treasure hoard they would be in an out so quick, maybe the giant wouldn’t even know it had been robbed!

This room clearly wasn’t it. It was some sort of magic workshop. Odd thing for a giant to have, but Jack was staying focused! They needed this to go off without a hitch. They had brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles that needed food! They weren’t just doing this for personal glory. They were -

A shadow loomed over them.

They looked up.

Harsh glowing orange eyes bore right into them from the face of what could only be a giant wizard. A giant wizard who smiled with exactly the same amount of kindness present in the hellish eyes.

“Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of the human kind. It matters not the things you stole, I’ll capture you and swallow you whole!”

/Swallow them whole!/ Jack’s mind raced.

Nowhere to run!

No way to fight!

Alright then!

Jack fell forward, hitting the table with a smack. It hurt, but if they had made any move to cushion the fall, it would be too obvious. They held their breath. Play dead! No that was stupid. Shit! Jack you idiot! Well! Who knows! Maybe it would leave them alone!

The brief moment of panic left Yonah as he remembered that people, young foolhardy people as thieves were, don’t get frightened to death. They probably just fainted. Still he had to make sure.

He shrunk down and examined the thief, but did not touch. They were breathing. So. Not dead. Good. Then a creeping suspicion made its way into his mind.

Taking his staff from his sleeve he poked the human none-to-gently.

“Hey! Are you alright? Did you faint or are you fucking with me?”

The thief did not move. But Yonah was not convinced. He returned to normal size, picked them up, and shook them.

“Come on, I’ve got shit to do, I can’t eat you if you’re unconscious!” he said as he realized that would just encourage the thief to keep up the charade.

And they did stay a ragdoll. It was very convincing. Maybe they did pass out. Ugh!!! He would have to put them in the cage for safe keeping so that he could eat them when they woke up. Still there was one more thing he could try.

He brought the thief over to the window and held them out, raising his arm very high up. 

“You know, I’m not hungry right now. I think I’ll just toss you out the window,” he dropped them.

The thief felt elated, this was exactly the best case scenario! They had brought with them one bit of magic on this mission; a slow fall spelled stone. Since they were dealing with giants, something to survive falling from a great height seemed a good idea, and it was cheap. Ok they had stolen that too. 

The hand released them. Immediately they reached to get the stone from their pocket -

WHAM

A hand closed around them. A hand that had been waiting to catch them.

“You almost had me fooled,” Yonah turned around to lean on the windowsill and held the thief up again, licking his lips. “Guess I had you fooled to, I am actually hungry, and you smell very good.”

The thief scratched at his hands to get free but it was useless.

“Wait no please! I have family, I was only trying to get money to feed them! If I die they’ll be no one to take care of them!”

“Should have thought of that before choosing a giant as your mark,” and Yonah lowered them into his mouth as they continue to plead. 

Ugh, this is why he usually goes with headfirst so that they can’t scream and cry at him while he tried to enjoy the human’s savory flavor. And they always grabbed at his facial hair! Ouch! He flicked Jack softly in the head and pulled their hands from the feint goatee before a forceful swallow pulled the human’s waist into his throat, their torso into his mouth.

He only felt a small pang of guilt. The human’s terror reaching some part of his heart and making it ache. This thief probably really was trying to keep their family from starving, and was worried more for that family than for themselves. Now they really understood the stakes. Hopefully once they got some money they would put it to good use and hopefully wouldn’t end up so desperate again and feel the need to steal from magical beasts or people.

Sure. He could just give the thief some money and NOT eat them… but that ran the risk that they might try again thinking he was a kind and generous person. He was not. And he wasn’t paid to be. Plus they might attempt to steal from someone else, another mage, another giant, or a dragon. They needed to learn that thief-quests were dangerous.

This is how he rationalized things as he swallowed the thief down, salty tears and all. They curled up into a shaking ball when they entered his stomach and just sobbed.

He sat down at his desk, resisting the urge to rub at his stomach, not feeling mean enough today to taunt his catch. He just let them cry in peace for a minute. As peaceful as his stomach, which pounded, pulsed, and occasionally gurgled could be.

Once he caught his own breath (bc goodness, swallowing humans is hard) noticed Jack was speaking softly through the sobs.

“Please. Let me go. Please. Please. Let me go.”

Now he rubbed at his stomach. The thief tensed.

“Ok”

The thief stopped sobbing and Yonah gave them 20 seconds to respond before he was going to spit them up. At 15 seconds a weak, stammering voice came through 

“what- what did you say?” 

“Ok, I’ll let you go.”

“I- wh-bu-“ they couldn’t process the statement.

Should he talk to them more? His stomach gurgled again.

Nope! No more time for talking! Yonah pressed his hands to his stomach and tensed his gut, the human screamed, but in half a minute was in a hand, clinging to his fingers for dear life.

“I can’t let you go if you don’t let go,” he said, peeling them off of one hand with the other. They just latched onto the new hand. He sighed and hung his head.

“Ok, fine, stay there. But if you do I get to lick you. Fair trade,” he licked the human who yelped and let go, landing ass first on the desk and turning away from him.

“Thought so.”

For a few minutes he rested his arms on the desk and stared at the Jack who would occasionally glance back. Yonah would smile or wink or wave, but they didn’t respond. Gah, he was feeling generous today.

With a dab of powder on his tongue and softly whispered words, Yonah shrank down. The thief looked around as the puff of smoke blew against their back and they froze, eyes wide on Yonah as he approached.

They stiffened as he squat and put a hand on their shoulder.

“Do you need a minute?”

This obviously wasn’t what they were expecting him to say because they blinked and nodded. So he sat down and put his arm around them. They were still shaking so he held them against his side. Probably best not to talk to them again just yet. They had been through a lot. Specifically though him. 

As much as Jack wanted to run, they were also frozen in a state of confused panic. The giant, which they weren’t sure was really a giant, was now almost human sized and… hugging them? Being trapped under his arm was not much better than in his stomach. Safer to be sure, but not better. He could still be toying with them. 

But after several minutes they realized they were leaning into the wizard’s soft chest of their own accord. The arm around them no longer holding them, just resting over their body.. Still crying their heart was no longer threatening to break out of their ribs. 

Then the man moved. His other hand placed under their chin and gently lifting their face to look at his. The expression contained no hint of sorrow, no smidgen of regret or guilt. Just warm kindness, and maybe pity. actually that warmth was a little too intense and Jack desperately wanted to look away but did not dare. 

Yonah sighed as he looked down at the now comparatively calm human.

Their eyes were red with tears that he couldn’t see on their face that was sticky with drying spit and mucus. His spit and mucus.

Was he feeling extra kind today? … … yeah.

“Would you like to wash up?” He removed his hands, strings of foul smelling fluid following them. 

They sniffed and nodded again, fear finally starting to drain from their face. Yonah helped them to their feet, they were still badly shaken.

“I’m going to pick you up, alright?” he said, but his politeness didn’t extend to waiting for an answer as he scooped them up in his arms and walked towards the edge of the desk.

The human clung to his neck as he stepped off, simultaneously returning to normal size, the human in his hands held close to his chest. They were clinging to his fingers again, and dug in their nails as he descended the stairs at a rudely brisk pace to reach the kitchen. He set them on the table and fetched a bowl of water. Sitting down he held it in front of them. He also placed a cloth napkin on the table.

“Stick your hands in,” he instructed. They did, but not without hesitation.

Slowly he put heat through his hands and the water warmed up. “Let me know when to stop.”

After a minute they tapped his hands and he put the bowl down.

“I suggest you wash your clothes as well, I’ll return in 5 minutes.”

Jack waited for the giant to be out of sight before stripping down, tossing the clothes into the bowl, and crawling in after them. They dunked their head under the water and moved around to get all the gunk from their body.

What was happening to them was so surreal they were almost waiting to wake up. They were going to be dead a few minutes ago, now the giant was being nice to them? After it had scared them half to death. What had they done to gain it’s sympathy? And what was a giant mage doing in the forest? It looked like a wizard, but wizards were all human as far as they knew.

They were so lost in thought that they forgot about the time limit.

“Stop!” they yelped as the giant appeared in the room, exiting the staircase. They peaked their head over the lip of the bowl and the giant had not taken anymore steps.

“I told you five minutes,” he said, covering his eyes to let Jack get out of the bowl and wrap themselves in the napkin. “Tell me when it’s ok to look.”

“K” they said, and he returned to the table.

He fished their clothing from the bow and lay each piece flat on one of his massive hands.

“Watch this,” his eyes flashed orange and the clothes started steaming. He pressed his other hand over them and when he removed it a moment later they were dry!

Placing the clothes at Jack’s feet he then covered his eyes again, elbows resting on the table. After a minute Jack was tugging at his sleeve. They were clothed, and while their hair was still a little damp, were and ready to leave. 

“Thank you,” they said, barely audible. “For not killing me…mister-”

“Just call me Yonah, and I appreciate the thanks but I don’t deserve it. You don’t thank people for not killing you.” Yonah said, Jack seemed a bit confused by the advice.

“Have you really got a family? And are things that bad? Or were you just saying that so I wouldn’t eat you?”

Jack went still again.

“I’m not going to eat you again if the answer is no.”

“Yes,” they said.

Yonah picked them up, this time without warning them, and carried them over to the pantry. He placed them on one of the shelves before realizing that with the small bags they had brought, they couldn’t take enough. 

“Stay there.” he ordered, then added, “please?”

He fetched a small bag of holding, left by a previous thief. Yonah had planned to transfer the enchantment to a new set of robes (way cheaper and quicker than enchanting from scratch), but this thief needed it more than he did. 

“Just, take whatever. I doubt I will even notice.” he said, motioning to the jars and and barrels of food. 

They were hesitant at first, placing only small amounts of supplies in the bag under his intense gaze. But soon enough they were scooping handfuls of stuff. 

Some of it he helped get. It wouldn’t do to have , for example, just pounds of loose flour in the bag. It would be impossible to get out again. He had small (for him) jars and bags that weren’t enchanted. 

Finally Jack hopped back into hands and Yonah took them upstairs, releasing them onto the windowsill. They turned to look up at the giant. 

They shielded their eyes and wrinkled their nose as Yonah breathed a long stream of hot air over them. When they opened their eyes the giant was taking another back out of his pocket, which he dropped at their feet.

It was a coin purse. A large one. They opened it and indeed it was full of gold coins. They looked up into his eyes, wonder replacing the fear before tears started to push forth.

“It’s yours if you promise to not steal from anymore giants. It’s dangerous, you could end up eaten,” he winked and Jack smiled nervously but picked up the purse, clutching it to their chest.

“Thank you, Yonah”

“I said not to thank me! I’m supposed to be evil!” he said, poking them in their midsection. Jack laughed, genuinely.

“Just make sure your family gets fed.”

And Jack left.


	7. Tied up With a Bow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Yonah unavailable Sophia catches a thief!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains safe/soft vore with fearplay. Thief's gender is undefined.

—-

It was quiet. Too quiet. 

Much too quiet. It was as if the primary resident of the tower was dead. Or nearly. The Great and Terrible Yonah HaEsh was passed out in his bed and had been since last night. Unresponsive. But Alive. Sophia checked almost every hour. She even slept on top of him so she would wake if he moved. 

Sophia was relieved that Yonah was in bed at all. He had been working on a powerfully complicated spell for weeks and was sure he’d finally gotten it right. But when he tried it caused massive backlash. Even Sophia felt it roll over her like a wave but it must have slammed into Yonah for he collapsed. He stayed conscious just long enough to stumble out of his workshop and to his bed. 

Under normal circumstances a captive princess would have used this perfect opportunity to escape. But Sophia wasn’t normal. Her designation of “prisoner” was more a formality than an accurate title. Yonah didn’t even kidnap her, she was sent directly by her father. In addition to keeping her captive, Yonah was also her mentor. She’d always wanted to study magic, so Yonah had been ordered to teach her. 

Most importantly, Sophia wanted to be here. Not just because of the magic, that was more at the start. Over time Yonah and the princess had become best friends. Sophia made a home here.

But was DULL with Yonah out of commission. There was no way to tell when he would wake up, but it had already been a day. If it reached two days she’d start to worry. Tomorrow night, if he was still sleeping, she’d find Myran. Surely the witch would be able to restore him. 

She thought about going outside and taking a soak in the bathing pool, but without Yonah to heat it… not so appealing. Could be good practice with fire spells! No. She really shouldn’t practice FIRE spells without her firewitch to supervise. That would be so stupid. ARGGG it was so tempting now that she had thought of it. 

And she was SUPER BORED. Even setting herself on fire would be preferable to this monotony! She would be near the pool anyways she could dive in should that happen. 

So far She’d only left his side to get food and use the toilet. Though now she was getting so antsy she was wandering the tower. It was still hard for her to go too far, she was only in the living room. Climbing up and down the furniture, taking books off the bookshelf. Taking a candy from the candy bowl. Very sticky, not really meant for her to hold. 

Ick. she was really kinda stuck. Big globs of sticky sugar webbed her hands. She could lick it off but it was a lot of sugar. Washing it off was much more sensible and for once Sophia was thinking sensibly. 

It was as she headed up the stairs, thinking about the bathroom to make the door appear, when from above she heard that distinct and familiar THUNK of someone falling from the windowsill to the floor of the workshop. Could be a slayer, but was likely a thief. From that one time a slayer did show up, they had been sensible enough to notice the spacial dilation and avoid the fall that usually managed to alert Yonah to their presence. And also stun them. 

From the footsteps, this person had not been stunned so easily. Hmf. Well with Yonah unavailable it was up to her! This wouldn’t be the first time she caught a thief, though last time she’d almost failed. Only managing to get them by convincing them to trust her. That was a fun play but she wanted to be like Yonah! Actually catch them, not trick them. Ok maybe some tricks. 

A very good plan was forming in her mind and she made her way up to the workshop, hoping the thief didn’t decide to come down the stairs. Most did not. The workshop was full of random crap and lots of boxes and drawers and cabinets to search through. And of course contained things that no one should touch. Why he kept such things so easily accessible? Probably to cause trouble. Heh. Nevermind then. 

She crept into the workshop and indeed the thief was occupied by the workbench cabinet which contained many spell components, much of which looked like junk but there were jewels. 

Sophia silently headed for the window. The rope ladder appeared only for her and she climbed up, using her elbows rather than her sticky hands. It was still a challenge so she had to catch her breath once she got to the top, before taking her chosen stance. 

Sitting, knees up, leaning in the corner of the window that was closer to the workbench and still gave her the high ground. Plus she now occupied the only exit. Not that she blocked the way out, she wasn’t nearly large enough. But she figured that sitting there, chillin like a proper villain, would at least be sort of intimidating. She cleared her throat. 

“Now now now. What do we have here? A thief in the night?”

Sophia projected her voice but made it laced with soft seductive tones that said “I’m so very happy that you’re in big trouble.” The thief froze and then took a quick look at the smiling princess before bolting. Leaping down the the table to the chair to the floor. 

“Oh, running, I didn’t think of that!” she called down and extended her hands. Her candy coated sticky hands. 

The candy that evaporated as she turned it’s ooey gooeyness into magic and shot it down onto the floor ahead of the thief. 

“FUCK” 

They didn’t exactly fall since their feet stuck to the floor but their knees hit wood with a sickening CRACK. Probably not broken? No. Not so, as the thief turned to try and pull their feet from their shoes, to no avail. The sticky field was not so thin and their hands got stuck in it too. They looked back at Sophia in terror as she stood up and climbed down to claim her prize. 

“I’ll give back what I took! I swear it was just a few gems!”

Sophia just grinned wider and madder. 

“I want to thank you for alleviating my boredom, Jack,” she said and reached into their pockets for the gems. Wow they’d gotten a few spelled ones. Yonah might have exploded if she’d let them get away. 

“Ah--- You’re welcome! Anyways- you got your gems back. You can let me go now, I have things to do and-”

Sophia cocked her head in what she hoped was a disarmingly scary manner. One that made her look a bit unhinged. 

“Let you go? But I caught you, Yonah will be so proud!!”

That bewildered the thief so much that at first they didn’t hear the whole statement. “Who- who is Yonah?”

“Why! The Great and Terrible Yonah HaEsh of course! The evil giant!” She cackled which shot through Jack’s heart like lightning, “What did you think this was my tower?”

They had not really thought about it. No. Guess they didn’t. 

“I can’t let you go because Yonah still needs to eat you!”

Surely she had misspoken. “Uh, don’t you mean… meet me?”

She leaned in close to their face. “No silly! Thieves are Yonah’s favorite treat! But he’s asleep right now. If I wake him he might eat me along with you. Can’t have that.”

“No… certainly not…” 

“Glad you agree! Now don't you move,” she laughed at her bad joke, and ran off, back to the workbench. Jack didn’t say a thing. Talking was pretty pointless now. 

It took some concentration to maintain the spell as she searched for Yonah’s magical twine. It was basically rope for someone her size. Once she got it and a pair of scissors she returned to the thief. Without managing to get herself stuck she tied Jack up. Just their wrists. And their arms. She needed them to be able to walk. 

She dispersed the stickiness and urged them to stand up. 

And then with a jaunty gait, led him down the stairs. To the kitchen. 

“You’re not going to cook me are you?” Jack had stopped moving at the entrance to the large room with its giant sized stove and oven. 

Sophia made a disgusted face that did not reassure Jack one bit. 

“Ugh, gross, no way. Yonah likes his smallfolk alive!”

“Then why?”

“We’re going to have a tea party!” She declared. 

She was really just thinking of things on the spot, but she needed to buy herself time to think about how to keep the thief all night. The easiest thing to do would be to tie them up proper and just wait for Yonah to wake up. There was no way Jack could escape but she didn’t want to have to stay up. Thus the tea party. 

It was times like this she wished levitation of people was not advanced magic. She had to tie more rope to Jack and haul them up to the table. At least she could use magic to help her pull the rope. 

Making tea wasn’t Sophia’s strong suit, it was always disgusting , but at least she didn’t have to try to make it bad. This Jack would have to swallow anything she gave them. And to make sure they didn’t roll off the table, she tied them to one of the smallfolk chairs. 

She got out some little cakes that Shoshana had brought last time and the cutest teacups she could find. Jack refused to eat the little cake so Sophia shoved it in their face like they were a doll. And like a doll Jack could not wipe it from their face either. 

“Well if you’re not going to eat it at least Yonah will enjoy the extra sweetness!” she declared which made Jack regret not eating it. Even if it was likely poison. 

It wasn’t poison at all. And Jack really missed out on some of the finest baked goods in the kingdom. But they wouldn’t ever know that. It’s just important that You know that. 

Then the water was boiling, she had to climb down the table and get it from the stove and Jack just sat there with cake on their face. Humiliated. 

“How am I supposed to even drink this?” They asked as she set down cups. Their fucking arms were bound to their side! And they were strapped to the chair. 

“I could just feed it to you!” She held up the cup but Jack moved their face away. So she set it down, dropped a polished bamboo straw into the cup, and loosened Jack’s bonds just enough so they could lean over to reach it. 

“It would be very impolite to refuse tea,” she said, “With a princess.”

Fuck. She was a princess? That explained the tiara. What was she doing here then? Ok obviously she was a captive, but she was helping the villain. Enchanted? Just mad? Maybe wanted to play her part to keep herself from being eaten? Either way, she was right, one can’t simply refuse tea with a princess. Even though they were not in the mood for tea, or pleasantries, Not in the slightest. 

So They took a sip. 

It was deeply terrible. 

So terrible that they didn’t notice the taste of the sedative. 

They didn’t really appreciate being tied to the chair which prevented them from falling onto the table. 

Now Sophia sprang into action. Ok not sprang. She didn’t have too with Jack unconscious. 

The first thing she got was a long large ribbon. Then she got a fairly ornate treasure chest. People are hard to levitate. Objects are not. And she got it up to the table no problem. It was lined with plush silks, kinda like a fancy vampire coffin. But it wasn’t a coffin. It was actually a bed that Yonah made for visiting smallfolk. He had several, and when Sophia asked why he said he thought it was cute to have smallfolk sleep in little treasure chests and ornate boxes. He was right of course. It was super adorable. 

Even as Sophia had to heave this Jack into it. She would not admit it but she had to silently thank Yonah for encouraging her to build her strength. Once Jack looked kinda comfortable she closed the lid and sat down. Though she did not dare fall asleep, she only rested for a bit, and had another cake. 

Then she got up and returned to Yonah’s room. Maybe, just maybe, he had woken. No.There was no indication that he had even moved. Still, Sophia climbed up to check, and sat on his shoulder, looking down at his serene face. His breathing was regular, though that was not much comfort. He was warm as ever too. 

The next thing she knew was startling awake. She had fallen asleep on Yonah. For how long she didn’t know, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours for it was still dark outside according to the enchanted window. Her movements did not stir any reaction from Yonah. 

“Please wake up, Yonah. Please!” she called to him. “You have to wake up, I caught a nice treat for you!”

The thief!! How could she be so careless as to fall asleep. She hopped off Yonah who still did not react and ran from the bedroom to the living room to the stairs and up to the kitchen. The chest containing the thief was still closed and still on the table. 

Cautiously she opened the chest to find a Jack glaring at her. 

“LET ME GO!” they screamed. Or at least tried to as Sophia had gagged them. Just their mouth, so they could breathe easy enough. 

She sighed, “I already told you I can’t! Yonah has to eat you... and he’s still asleep.”

Was that worry Jack saw in her face? Why should she be worried? 

“Ugh that’s starting to smell,” she said and disappeared for a moment, only to return with a wet cloth and cleaned off the smashed pastry that had in the last few hours gotten all dry. 

“Better! But can you believe the one time I catch someone and he’s asleep! And I was so cool too. I used magic! Not only that I improvised and it didn’t blow up in my face.”

Jack just blinked. 

“Oh yeah, you’re super lucky, I could have killed you or something.”

If Jack could speak they would have said they wish they had. The anticipation of being eaten alive was worse. They were gonna die anyways! This sucked. 

Sophia was tempted to continue talking but couldn’t think of anything more to say, not anything clever enough at least. However she had to wrap this up. 

“As much I love a captive audience, I’m getting bored talking to you. So goodnight. Again.” And she shut the box. 

Then she slumped down against it. Jack made no noises or movements, likely having tried everything they could already. It was Sophia who was shaking. Yonah had to wake up soon, he just had to! Not just because she couldn’t keep Jack in this box forever, but because she couldn’t stand the thought that something a stupid as a misfired spell could take him from her. He would be fine! He had to be. 

She yawned. Still tired, she had not slept much at all since Yonah went to bed, trying to keep watch. But she had to stay awake! Now that she had a Jack and Yonah was yet not conscious. 

The smell of coffee hit her senses and she woke up. Blinking sleep from her eyes they focused on the large form in very disheveled robes hunched over the stove. 

“Yonah!” Sophia hollered and the giant turned to look at the noise with a hint of surprise. 

He rubbed his eyes and smiled, “Ah, good morning princess. Woah!”

She ran to the edge of the table and leapt at Yonah who had to lunge forward to catch her. Sophia climbed up his arm to his face which she embraced, crying and kissing his cheek. 

“I was so worried! I was so worried but you’re Awake! You’re ok!”

A hand reached up to stroke her and he turned his face and returned her kisses by pressing his lips to her middle. 

“Worried? About me?”

“Yes stupid! You’ve been asleep for over two days!”

Yonah froze. 

“Two- oh. No wonder you’re in such a state. I am fine princess.”

She continued to cry against her friend as he finished making coffee. “It was so scary. What if you hadn’t woken up! I was going to get Myran if you didn’t by now.”

Yonah nodded and Sophia held onto his hair. “A sensible plan.” he took a sip of his coffee and offered some to Sophia. She had recently started partaking in the drink, having been forbidden back at home. Yonah had quickly discovered why but knew that a few sips or an extremely diluted concoction filled with honey and goats milk kept her from becoming too hyper. It was much too hot for her right now. 

“Two days! No wonder i'm so hungry!” he said. 

Hungry? Right!!! Sophia’s tears stopped immediately and she slid down Yonah’s robes and ran to the table, climbing up with surprising speed. She beckoned Yonah over and pushed the treasure chest towards him. Looking up into his face she hit him with an excitedly proud smile. 

“What-?”

“Open it!” she said. 

He picked it up and with a bit of hesitation opened it. And nearly dropped it in his lap in surprise. 

Inside was a human, all tied up with a piece of fancy red ribbon done up with a supremely ornate bow. Ignoring the terrified look on the human’s face he set the box down in his lap and looked back at Sophia who’s smile had gotten even wider if that was possible. 

“I caught a thief!” she shrieked. 

“I- can see that,” he said, glancing back down. 

“Aren’t you proud?” she asked. 

“Yes of course but-”

“Aren’t you going to eat them? You said you were hungry!” she supplied loudly so that Jack could hear. 

Quietly so that Jack couldn’t hear, and just to be sure he closed the box, yonah said “Sophia, I should have a real breakfast, if I was really out for so long-”

Sophia’s face fell and she pouted in the most disarming fashion she could muster. Which was extremely disarming, she had been trained from birth after all. 

“But,” she said, “I’ve spent all night taunting them! Next time I’ll just let them escape with your precious spelled gemstones!”

That earned her a powerful glare that would have made anyone else regret all their life’s choices but, due to Yonah’s exhausted state and Sophia’s complete lack of Fear of her giant, had no effect on her whatsoever. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” he hissed then huffed, “Fine.” there was a hint of amusement and eagerness. For he was hungry, and a pre-breakfast treat would be very nice. He just wanted food he could keep down. In theory he could eat the thief as part of breakfast, he wasn’t forbidden from doing so. But while Yonah was evil, he didn’t consider people to be food, just temporary lively treats. Temporary because he would spit them up of course. 

He gathered himself, taking a bit longer to get into character than normal. Then he brought the chest up to his face and opened it up again. The face he wore was eager and pleased and he grinned and chuckled. 

“Looks like my princess caught me a treat! It’s just what I need, nothing quite like smallfolk to restore one’s strength!” He picked up the human and set the box down. He held Jack by the ropes and watched as they squirmed in their bonds. Sophia had since tied up their feet as well. 

“And she got you all spruced up too, how thoughtful, don’t you think?” He didn’t really wait for the Jack to respond before licking them. “Hmmmmmm. Is it because I’m starving or do you taste especially delicious? Well, no use putting it off any longer, my poor stomach needs filling and you’ll fit perfectly.”

He lowered Jack into his mouth, not bothering to untie them. Normally he ate thieves head first so they couldn’t do things like pull at his goatee. Small irritations but currently Jack couldn’t manage to even speak and Yonah swallowed them down smoothly. They did taste amazing, and after a few more seconds of swallowing felt the pleasant weight fill his empty stomach. 

“You were right, Sophia, that was so delicious, how could I have even suggested I not eat them!”

“Because you’re stupid!” Sophia said and hopped off the table to examine Yonah’s stomach as Yonah watched her with amusement. 

Watched as she pressed into his gut so that she could feel Jack beneath his soft girth. Watched as she giggled when Jack flailed as best they could. Yonah could feel it acutely and it matched up with Sophia’s reactions. One human wasn’t the most full he could be, but it was still a bit noticeable, especially when his treat would thrust themselves against his stomach walls and cause more violent trembling motions. Sophia was also continuing to taunt them, and Yonah was glad of it, he was too brain fogged to think of much to say and just enjoyed his full stomach and the remnants of the human’s flavor on his tongue. 

Absentmindedly he reached for his cup of coffee and then stopped. And then a small hint of panic and his stomach tightened around Jack. 

“Uh, Sophia,” he said, and she looked up. “I- drank some coffee before eating them-”

Sophia looked a bit confused and then her eyes went wide. Not with fear but with a kind of amused regret. The Jack didn’t deserve to be sitting in coffee, and it meant a messy smelly return. 

Not really enjoying himself as much, Yonah stood up, sophia hung onto his clothes and climbed up to his shoulder, hopping off when he got to the kitchen counter and helped Yonah put down one of the clean kitchen rags. Yonah leaned over it with a determined look. He pressed one hand to his gut and the other braced him against the counter. 

Forcing himself to barf was never fun, but it was worth it. People tasted so good, and eating them was just too much fun and that wonderful fullness was like nothing else. So he hacked and heaved until the thief was pushed out of his stomach, back up and out. 

What came out first was a spray of coffee, and it came out his nose. Sophia would have laughed but Yonah’s pain wasn’t so amusing this time. The expression on Yonah’s face was still funny. And moments later the thief slid out of his mouth, with a little help as Yonah used the hand that had been at his gut to pull them the rest of the way. 

Yonah would normally say something but his nose stung and he had coffee dripping down his robes so he wandered off to clean himself up. Leaving Jack and Sophia alone once more. 

First she got out a dagger and cut the ribbon tied around their mouth. After gasping for fresh air they shot a fearful gaze at Sophia and her knife. 

“I- I’m not dead! Why am I not dead!”

Sophia squat down and played with the dagger, “I never said Yonah was going to kill you, though I would have been lying if I said otherwise. It’s really up to him you see, but regardless”

She pondered her blade, “it’s just how we do things around here,” she the bonds around their arms and they massaged them. They were a bit bruised and the ribbons left imprints, “Everyone who breaks into the tower gets to take a trip into his stomach.”

“Not everyone gets a coffee bath, but I hear that’s good for the skin!” she freed their legs and with her help struggled to their feet. 

“Ah, he returns!” 

Jack tried to hide behind Sophia as Yonah entered the room once more, in new robes and a freshly shaven goatee. Not effective since Sophia was fairly petite. 

Yonah glanced at them and smiled to show off his fangs before taking his coffee again and taking a long drink. 

“How’s my pre-breakfast treat doing?” he said as he walked by them. He held out a hand to Sophia and she hugged it as he gave her a soft squeeze. 

“Just fine,” she looked back at them, “Would you like to have some breakfast?”

The real answer was yes. Jack hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day. But said no. Sophia wasn’t particularly interested in food yet either, having had her weird 1am tea party and feeling so elated that Yonah had woken up and was functional enough to make coffee and eggs. So she led Jack back upstairs and to the window. 

“Oh! Here,” she said, taking something from her pocket. Jack held out their hands instinctively to take whatever it was. It was a small pouch of coin that Yonah had slipped to her back in the kitchen. 

“I’m confused,” they held it like it was cursed. 

“For being such a good sport!” Sophia put on that slightly mad smile again, “Plus Yonah went through so much trouble to spit you up alive, it would be a bit pointless if you tried to steal from another monster and got eaten for real. Getting a meal that was rightfully his.”

That freaked Jack out enough that they pulled away from the crazy princess and climbed down the tower as fast as they could. 

Sophia did not wait to return to the kitchen. Yonah had made some simple scrambled eggs. And now that the excitement was over Sophia found her own stomach growling, and a wave of exhaustion rolling through her body. Food first. 

So After swiping some of the eggs from Yonah’s plate she promptly fell asleep in his lap. 

[The end!

Uh. I guess Yonah probably goes upstairs and does some reading, keeping Sophia with him of course]

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment!


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